(516): shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
(843): Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
(702): I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
(804): Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
(219): Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
(816): Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
(301): she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
(972): Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
(334): I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
(309): Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
(586): he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
(918): People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
(401): We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."