(516): shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.

(843): Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking

(702): I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.

(804): Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?

(219): Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.

(816): Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.

(301): she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break

(972): Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?

(334): I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.

(309): Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete

(586): he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...

(303): He felt like a one man threesome

(918): People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook

(401): We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."

(732): i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.