(301): the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"

(931): Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.

(865): Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.

(913): Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.

(803): Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning

(845): As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth

(541): You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining

(217): you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...

(1-217): please don't ever take me to a strip club again...

(678): How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?

(610): it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.

(315): I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.

(415): the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication

(937): He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.

(816): If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.

(901): He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.